The Gift Of Giving Part Two

Source for this image here.

Yesterday I wrote about some of the spiritual aspects of giving gifts - and how in fact, our material possessions really can't bring us true happiness or contentment.  However, the act of giving - and of receiving gifts - does still bring us much pleasure, and I'm sure that almost everyone who celebrates Christmas, birthdays or other special days where gifts are exchanged, would agree!

The Gift Of Giving Part One

Source for this image here.

"... be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee."   (Hebrews 13: 5)

Apart from a couple of bits of knitting and sewing, and some final bits of cooking, I am pretty much finished with my Christmas gift preparations.  As a family, we don't give nearly as many gifts as you might expect for such a huge number of people (between us Papa Bear and I have 16 siblings - so even without all the aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws and so forth, we have a lot of people that we could be giving gifts to).  Instead, we choose to give "family gifts" so that each family unit gets one present to share.  This makes it much easier - not only for us, but for them to, for then they do not feel obligated to reciprocate with lots and lots of gifts for our side of the family.

Young Love

Source for this image here.

"Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency." (1 Corinthians 7: 2 - 5)

Today Papa Bear and I have been nesting.  It has definitely been the sort of day for it!  On this first day of December, we breakfasted this morning to the sight of snow falling out the window as we ate.  It was very Christmassy and pretty!  Within minutes of the snow starting everywhere was frosted with white, and the world seemed soft and still as the big feathery flakes drifted silently down from a leaden sky.  The snow was quite heavy and settled for a while, though later it turned to rain and most of it has melted away now.  But it has stayed very cold all day, and Papa Bear and I have had a lovely day being cosy indoors together.  We have a new routine now with the supermarket shop - we do it now on Fridays, as Papa Bear finishes work early and it means he gets and extra morning at home with me, when we can all take our time and enjoy being a family in a way that we can't so much on the weekdays since the Cubs have been at college.  Soon they will finish for Christmas which will be nice!   But we like the new pattern of our weekends.  This morning Papa Bear helped me to get all the Christmas decorations out of the cupboard.  We have lots!  Since our very first Christmas together we have been buying a few decorations each year - and after so many years of marriage, that means a lot of baubles and tinsel!  In fact we have two Christmas trees - a big one for our living room, and a smaller one that goes in the kitchen.  But that's just the trees ... I hope to be able to get some pictures of our Christmas decorations for you once we have trimmed up - we do this together as a family, and plan to do it during the week.  I hope it snows while we are doing it!

Love Your Husband!

Source for this image here.

Now regular readers here will know that Papa Bear most definitely has the key to my heart!  I think I am a very lucky Mama Bear indeed to be married (and therefore owned by) such a caring, generous, attentive, hard working and HANDSOME man!  And I'm sure that he feels the same way about me - for he tells me so every day.

The Heart Of A Woman Who Prays

Source for this image here.

Today has turned out to be quite a different day from the one that I expected, in so many ways!  Firstly the weather - we had expected it to be dull, cold and rainy, however we have been blessed with a second day of beautiful crisp sunshine which is only now starting to recede into grey clouds and the expected drizzle.  It was such a lovely surprise to wake up this morning and open the curtains to a hoary, frosty scene that really made me feel as if we have reached winter already.  I would not have been surprised to see snow.  Instead, the mist lifted and the sun shone through, so much so that the menfolk were convinced to take their gear down to the lake we visited yesterday and do a spot of fishing!  They are still there as I write, though Papa Bear has rung to say they will be packing up shortly, and coming home to hot mugs of tea and warm slices of this delicious cranberry cake, that has just come out of the oven.

A Perfect Christmas

"He that saith he abideth in him ought himself also so to walk, even as he walked." (1 John 2: 6).

Do you feel offended by this advertisement?

It was screened during a commercial break on TV the other day while we were watching a show (I can't remember what - perhaps Downton Abbey) and I must confess, when I saw it, I smiled!  It reminded me just a wee bit of what my Christmases are like.  Perhaps not so much the build up, which in our home has a fairly slow and peaceful pace, nor the wind-down afterwards with a glass of wine (we don't drink alcohol in our home) but the busyness of the actual day itself.  Apart from special occasions like birthdays or Easter,   in our home at least, Christmas Day is definitely one of the busiest days of the year in my kitchen.  I seem to spend more time in there than anywhere else, and yes, it can feel like I'm running a restaurant, but I love it!  So when I saw this advertisement my first thought was that it was kind of sweet!

In Every Thing

Source for this image here.

In our home, most every Saturday afternoon between the end of August and the beginning of May is given over to football.  The listening to, or watching of it, mostly on the radio or TV but sometimes actually at a game.  It's true to say that football is one of the greatest passions of the menfolk in our family.

A Time For Peace

Source for this image here.

The clocks went back yesterday, and what a difference it has made!  That extra hour seemed to make the pace of the day seem quite different - all day long.  It's made me feel somehow very rested and calm, just because of that extra hour!  Today I have been very much minded of the title of this blog - which Papa Bear chose, after we had been doing our family devotions one day last winter.  We'd been in Proverbs, and we were looking at comparative texts for Proverbs chapter 14, with which many of us Christian ladies will already be familiar, as it starts with the very well known verse -

"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands". (Proverbs 14: 1).

Modelling Modesty - True Woman Challenge

Source for this image here.


"Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.
Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee". (Psalm 51: 10 - 13).


I can hardly believe that already we are nearly into November!  At the beginning of this month I began a new 30 day Revive Our Hearts challenge.  This one is slightly different from the others that I have done, as it is presented in blog format, rather than as a PDF document that you can print and take away to study.  Instead, you are guided by a new blog post each day, rather like a diary, which has key points to consider, and further information in audio clips or links to other articles.

Walk As Children Of Light

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"And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them". (Ephesians 5: 11).

As a family, we don't celebrate Halloween.  The Bible clearly tells us that we should abhor what is evil, and cling instead to what is good (Romans 12 : 9).  To us, that means avoiding the influences of the secular world around us, which encourage us to look away from God's light and instead into the darkness of the fallen world we inhabit today.  And so, we choose to stay away from Halloween, and instead celebrate the bounty of nature's harvest, by sharing good food and each other's company, away from the glorification of all that is evil, which is what Halloween is all about.

First Frost

Source for this image here.

We had the first frost of the autumn today - when Papa Bear and I walked through the park to the spot where he picks up his lift to work, the fallen leaves on the ground were dusted with it, and the tips of the grass on either side of the path were white too.  It was very pretty!  It also made me realise that it is not long now before winter arrives - and Christmas!  Soon it will be cold enough to think about pulling out all our warm knitwear and thicker coats!  How quickly we seem to have moved from summer sunshine to autumn frosts - but it's a welcome change.  I love the cold weather and all the opportunities to be cosy that it brings!

Welcome Home

Source for this image here.

Do you have a home that says "welcome"?

Of course, most of us don't live in a house like the one in the pictured above, painted by Victorian artist Helen Allingham.  But even so - even if you live in a humble apartment, like we do - you can still create a home that you're always glad to come back to, and where those who enter it feel cherished, nurtured and welcomed.

Monday's Child

Source for this image here.

Do you know this sweet rhyme?

Monday's child is fair of face
Tuesday's child is full of grace
Wednesday's child is full of woe
Thursday's child has far to go
Friday's child is loving and giving
Saturday's child works hard for its living
But the child that is born on the Sabbath day, is bonny and blithe, and good and gay.

Making Plans For October

October is always a busy month for us!  I've been busy writing out menu cards this last week, and planning for our special birthday meal next weekend.  How quickly it has arrived!  We're all looking forwards to it.  Originally we had planned to have an indoor barbecue - this was when it was still warm and sunny, and the thought of cool weather was far from our minds.  Now, however, it has really been very chilly here, especially the last few days, although it has also been sunny which has been very pleasant.  The perfect sort of weather for going for a long walk!  But this has also meant that we have decided to rethink what we want to eat for our birthday meal, and during the week, we finally settled upon a Mexican style meal, which is often our choice for special occasions.  So that will be fun to prepare.  I plan to use some of the new dishes that Papa Bear and the cubs gave me for my birthday, and the pretty autumn dinner service that I have.   As you can see above, I've been looking through my recipe books and magazines for inspiration and ideas, and have put together some yummy dishes so far!

Hope Chests

Source for this image here.

Do you know what a "hope chest" is?  For many of us, the words maybe make us think more of a wooden box, perhaps carved or painted with traditional folk art images, or possibly even of a "bottom drawer" in a girl's bedroom, which would be used, as a "hope chest" would be, to contain items that the girl would use, once newly-wed, in her first home.  Things like kitchenware, bedding, recipes, maybe even baby garments, to prepare and equip her for her new role as a wife and mother.  Often these would be home-made, or handed on to the girl from her mother or other female relatives.  It was a way of storing up items for the future, planning ahead, much as a modern girl nowadays might have a savings account.  The box that you can see in the picture above is closer in fact to the sort that girls from our own culture would have expected to be given, on their wedding day.  In the Italy where these boxes originated, they were called a "cassone", or "grand chest", and in our own mother tongue, a "romadi moksto" - literally, a "bridal box".  In our culture, the box itself was traditionally seen as a symbol of the husband's ability and intention to support his wife, and the more elaborate and ornate it was, the better it would reflect this.  The husband would be expected to demonstrate that he could support his chosen bride, and the box would be a gift from him (or more likely, his family) to her, rather than something she was responsible for.  However, the contents of the box were not thought to be as important as the box itself, which was often very valuable, and because of this, over time, it has become more common for the bride to be to collect the contents of her box, often beginning very early in age - sometimes from the time of her baptism, when gifts suitable for her "romadi moksto" are still given, and usually put away until the girl comes of age.  This is partly what explains the huge collections of dinnerware that we often have!  My favourite dinner service was actually given to us, as wedding gifts.  We still have most of it, but as it is now discontinued and therefore irreplaceable, we only use it on very special occasions.

As mama to one beautiful girl, it has been a pleasure for me throughout her childhood, to think of small things to put away - not in a bridal box, but in the modern equivalent - a "bottom drawer" - for when it is her turn to become a bride.  What is different for us, that I did not experience myself, growing up, is that Little Bear has really enjoyed sharing in collecting for her "bottom drawer".  Together over recent years we have crocheted blankets, knitted baby garments, sewn tablecloths and serviettes, and purchased some sweet items of china and such like, from thrift stores or in sales, whenever we have seen something that she has thought would be pretty and useful.  It's a lovely, personal way to ensure that some of our family traditions - traditions that are particular to our culture, too, will continue for the next generation.   Together we are putting together a cook book that has all the traditional family recipes in it that I have had passed on to me, from my mam, and which I very much hope Little Bear will pass down to her daughters too - God willing.  It's been such a lovely mother-and-daughter thing to do together!  I will be sharing some of those recipes here on the blog - one of them quite soon, in October, when pheasant season begins again - yum, I hear our menfolk saying!

But not only have we girls shared in this precious experience and made so many sweet plans together.  Papa Bear has also been helping Cubby to prepare for his future married life as well!  It's a little different for young men.  In our culture men are expected even today to be providers, and to prepare themselves for a life of work by learning a trade early, when they are perhaps 12 or 14.  Of course, they won't be working full time at this age!  But from his early teens Cubby has been helping his dad at work whenever he has been able, learning all the "tricks of the trade", and all this long summer break from college, he has been working with Papa Bear most days (he also has a Saturday job too, so he works just as many hours in employment as he does in studying).   This is his way of investing in his own "bottom drawer"!  He's learning a valuable trade - as well as getting an excellent education - which will mean, we hope, that he has a solid foundation of work experience to draw on, when the time comes for him to start providing for a wife and family.  We have left it open to him whether he decides to join his dad in the family business or if he would prefer to work elsewhere once his studies are finished.  There are benefits to starting up independently and we feel that allowing him to study at college has opened up opportunities to him that he would not have had, if he had simply finished homeschool to start working full time with Papa Bear.

Little Bear too will be going back to college with her brother in a week or so, having also spent much of the long summer break working in her own job.  The salary she gets paid for this work she has invested in a savings account - yet another contribution to her "bottom drawer" which she hopes will mean that from the start, she and her future husband will be able to live independently and debt-free.  As I have mentioned before, we feel it is important for our daughter to be well educated - so that she can educate her own children successfully.  And we also feel it's important for her to experience working outside the home, even though our plan for her - and indeed her own ambition - is that like her mama, she will be a homemaker and not work outside the home, once she marries.  Working outside the home now however, helps her to understand the challenges and issues that her husband will face, and also helps her to interact with the public, appreciate the demands of working for someone else and not simply pleasing herself, and also become responsible and co-operative.  It's all part of a broader education for both our children, which is investing in making them successfully able to marry, care for a home and for their spouse, and raise a family.  

Nowadays we may not all have "hope chests" waiting for our daughters when they marry - but we can still help them to prepare for married life - and help our sons, too.  Marriage is not just a relationship.  It is a contract - a covenant made before God.  And we owe it to the next generation, to help them to prepare for it adequately and wisely.

"Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise:
Which having no guide, overseer, or ruler,
Provideth her meat in the summer, and gathereth her food in the harvest". (Proverbs 6: 6-8).

As Unto The Lord

Source for this image here.

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body". (Ephesians 5: 22 - 23).

The Book of Ephesians is possibly one of my most favourite Books in the all the whole Bible - and especially Chapter 5, which I feel can almost be described as a blueprint for Christian living.  Of course, it is actually a letter, written by Paul, and in that sense it is indeed a blueprint for living - spiritual guidance on how to live in a way that imitates the way Christ Jesus lived during His time on earth, and which thus pleases our Father God.  One of the most important elements of this guidance, for us women, appears almost at the end of this Chapter.  Paul tells us that we are to live as wives in subjection to our husbands in "every thing" (Ephesians 5: 24), just as the Church is "subject to Christ".  That means that we are to obey our husband, as if he himself is God - and that when we don't, we are displeasing not just our husband, but God also. 

Wait Till Your Father Gets Home!

Source for this image here.

"Wait till your father gets home"!  It's been the classic response to disobedient behaviour for generations of mothers - and I still hear it being said sometimes today.  A child misbehaves, a mother intervenes, and warns the child of further admonishment from their father when he returns home that evening from work. 

In our home, this was not something that was ever said, although Papa Bear and I knew well the passage in Scripture that directs fathers to be primarily responsible for their children's discipline -

^" And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord" (Ephesians 6: 4).

Rather, we preferred a shared role in disciplining our children, whereby I took responsibity for this during the day while he was at work, and then when we were both at home together, whomever witnessed the bad behaviour was the one who intervened.  Of course, at times when we were both present - for example, at Church - naturally Papa Bear would admonish the miscreant, but there were others, perhaps when I was putting the cubs to bed whilse he was downstairs, when we found it more appropriate for me to intervene because I was the one who had witnessed the behaviour even though he was at home.   Although we didn't consciously come to any decision about this, looking back, I believe it was because we both felt that for discipline to be effective, it needed to be instant.  With young children especially, delaying the consequences of bad behaviour means that whatever interventions you use, will have less effect.  They need to be able to see and experience a link between the wrongdoing and the result that this has for them, and this is lost, or at the least, diluted, if there is a delay between the action and the result.   Also, we both felt that it was important to demonstrate that as head of the house, what Papa Bear judged to be poor behaviour went for me, too - and if I recognised it in one of our children, I must respond to it just as he would.  Very often I would say, "now what would your dad think of this?" when one of the cubs was misbehaving.  That way they were reminded that the standards for behaviour that were set in our home, were set by him - and enforced by me.

Oftentimes I hear parents in the nearby area where we live, loudly admonishing their children with harsh voices.  It's a natural response to our bad feelings, to lash out.  Go anywhere these days and you will overhear parents telling their children not to misbehave in a variety of ways - and not all of them very nice to hear!  In the heat of the moment, especially if you are tired, or burdened with concerns, or feeling unwell, it is so easy to react without thinking, and to respond to your child's behaviour in a way that later you regret.  Having the self-control to be able to contain our feelings of anger, frustration and impatience is a skill that we need to have learned as adults, ideally before we have children.  It takes a lot of maturity to respond calmly in a situation when your instinct is to lash out, and we can see from Scripture that this is the standard that God has set for us - in Ecclesiastes 7: 9, Psalm 37: 8 and Proverbs 14, we are told that having a hot temper - and giving in to it - is foolish, and the consequences of so doing will not please God -

"Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:
For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God" (James 1: 19 - 20).

Having a "meek and quiet spirit" (1 Peter: 3 - 4) is a virtue that can be difficult to cultivate in the early years of parenthood!  There are certainly times when our patience is challenged and our frustrations mount, and these occasions seem to be when we are at our lowest ebb - physically run down, perhaps, or with many concerns on our minds.  But it is at these times more than any that we must learn to cast our burdens upon God (Psalm 55: 22) and trust in Him to fortify us and provide us with guidance in these challenging situations.  If we don't, then we cannot do our job as a parent properly.

The Book of Proverbs is full of guidance for parents!  When our cubs were wee, our family devotional each day use to consist of a reading of the Chapter from Proverbs that corresponded to the date that day.  It was a great way to share in study of the Scriptures and for us to share our learning as a family.  We really enjoyed those devotionals, which taught us all so much.  It also meant that when one of the Cubs did misbehave we could remind them of the teaching that they had heard earlier, and reference them back to the word of God, right from a very early age.

I've written before about the specific techniques that we've used to discipline our children - using removal of priveliges as a consequence for bad behaviour.  Depending on the age of the child this can be something as simple as instantly taking away a toy that they are playing with or ending an activity they were engaged in.  It might mean also "time out" - time during which the child recieves no attention from anyone else.  This we found to work very well - you only have to watch how a young child reacts when a parent stops giving him or her eye contact (that's all it takes) to see that the child quickly becomes anxious and agitated, as the baby's only way of communication - through noise and expression - stops being effective.  If this is done consistently and only when appropriate (in other words, only when the child is misbehaving) then it can work very well indeed.  It was certainly that way for us.  The key of course is the consistency.  Whatever the age of the child, and whatever form of admonishment you feel convicted to use as your way of disciplining and training your children, it won't be effective if you don't use it consistently.  That's another reason why, certainly for young children, instant admonishment is far more meaningful than one that comes much later.  If on some occasions you respond to some bad behaviour instantly and delay your response on other occasions, a child will become confused - and more likely to misbehave, just to test your reaction. 

Whenever our children misbehaved - and regardless of age - we were always mindful to ensure that our admonishments were conducted in a calm and measured way.  No raised voices, no ugly comments.  Of course, we pointed out the bad behaviour, and explained why it was wrong and why it had to be punished.  That way we were not only setting an example, but instructing our children in the right way to behave.  And these valuable lessons are far more meaningful if they are delivered in such a way that the child can be receptive to them.  Shouting, threatening, throwing insults or giving criticism are just counterproductive.  A child learns by example - and if you behave this way when someone does something you don't want them to do - so will they.  By watching you control your responses, they will learn to do so as well.  And keeping the tone of your voice low (in fact, I always lowered my voice more than usual which became the warning sign for the cubs - when mama whispers, she's really not pleased!) means that the child has to listen - and the message has even more impact. 

Your demeanour and countenance during times of misbehaviour is so important.  Your child will grow to imitate your behaviour, and you are giving them a wonderful gift, if you can teach them to not only behave appropriately and respond to your admonishments, but also demonstrate the same self-control and calm that you do, when they experience negative emotions of their own.  All of this is part of the experience of parenting our children, and while the disciplining may not always be fun, it can still be rewarding - for both child, and the parents too - father and mother!

"Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul" (Proverbs 29: 17).

With Modest Charms

Source for this image here.  This painting, Vase Of Roses (1875) is by one of my favourite 19th Centrury artists, Henri Fantin-Latour, whose work may be seen in the Tate Gallery in London and (among others) the Musee De Louvre, in Paris (where I first saw his work, as a child).  I particularly love white roses - their freshness and sweetness is so innocent, and I find them very calming to look at.   In our culture flowers are rarely brought indoors, but we have artifical ones instead to decorate our home with, and several bouquets of these that Papa Bear and the cubs have given me are of white roses.  They are so pretty!  I love that they are so beautiful just as they are, with no embellishments or interferences - just as God made them.

Roses for me also represent modesty and purity - and therefore also humility.  They are soft, feminine, delicate, charming, beautiful to see - all that a woman should be!  We can love roses just as they are, with no extra adornments or alterations.  It's such a shame that many women nowadays are pressurised by the expectations forced on them by modern culture to think that the way they are in their natural state isn't good enough.   How much better that we should endeavour to try to retain our natural, innocent beauty, just as the things that God has created all around us do, unchanged and uncorrupted.  Like the rose, we too are at our loveliest when we are just as God made us.

I found this sweet poem today, which I intend to write out and illustrate to put on the wall in our home.  It is by William Hayley, an 18th Century poet and writer, some of whose works can be found online here.  The verses, I thought, are very fitting for the theme of our July challenge, which we finished on Tuesday.

        Of all the Christian virtues chief
        With modest charms, and mild relief,
Most apt to heal the wounds of pride, and spleen,
        To thee, humility; I bend;
        O let me feel, thou art my friend!
Rule thou my bosom, as its gentle queen!

        'Tis thine benignly to repress
        All proud conceit, all vain excess;
To give the chasten'd mind its proper tone;
        To make it keep in sight
        The worth of others with delight,
And never look too fondly on its own.

        Teach me, with active zeal, to wake
        At nature's sigh, for pity's sake,
When pride in dreams of apathy will nod!
        Still guided by thy Christian breath,
        Keep me, thro' scenes of life, and death,
To mortals kind, and dutiful to God.

   

Bringing The Spirit Of Humility To Your Marriage

Source for this image here.

"Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth" (Colossians 3: 2).

The term "shrinking violet" is an idiom to mean a very shy person, one who is self-depreciating and prefers, like the sweet and beautiful purple-blue flower pictured above, to withdraw into the shadows than to make themselves the centre of attention.  It's a term which tends to imply something negative - that a person who is shy, is one whose character is perhaps deficient in some way.  In the secular world where people are encouraged to be self-serving and self-seeking, being shy is regarded as a weakness.  But is it really a fault?

Consider the definition of humility, and you will see that it means many things - humbleness, submissiveness, meekness, shyness.   It's the partner of modesty - a characteristic that once again, is associated with humbleness and a desire not to draw attention to one's own attributes or appearance. 

The Bible tells us many times that humility is a character quality, a personal characteristic which we should cultivate to draw us closer to God  (Proverbs 22:4).  We are informed that, far from being commanded to exalt ourselves, we should humble ourselves, that we may be exalted (Luke 14:11).  Cultivating a spirit of humility not only pleases God, but it also points towards His nature, as our humility reflects the humility of His son Christ Jesus, which He demonstrated during his time on earth.  It's clear from Scripture that we are called to be humble, to adopt an attitude of meekness, and that if we do so, there will be many benefits to be reaped.

During the month of July, as a family we have been studying the character quality of humility, and its opposite, pride.  We have had many interesting discussions as we have worked through our thoughts on this, and have also had time to consider how adopting a spirit of humility may help us in our relationships, both at home, and in the wider community we live and work in as a family.  For us, it has been a great revelation!  We have all discovered that it is far easier to be prideful, than it is to be meek!  And we have also discovered just how damaging pridefulness can be.  Some of the comments that I've heard around the dinner table this month have included ...

Pride can stop us from understanding other people's needs.

Being proud can isolate us from our family and those we care about, and make us less able to compromise and adapt to their needs.

Having a humble heart means being able to learn new things!

Humility lets me say sorry and really mean it.

It takes more courage to be humble than it is to be proud.

We can't grow in Christ if we don't see our faults.

These are just some of the comments that have arisen out of the many discussions, devotionals and family prayer times that we've had.  Of all the "Monthly Challenges" that our family has done over the years, this has been one of the most enlightening and inspiring ones, and I have found it to be especially beneficial.  Why?  Well, read those comments again if you have time.  Do you notice how all of them can be applied to the marriage relationship?  Pride and arrogance, and a self-serving attitude, can cause enormous harm in a marriage, and yet we can find ourselves exhibiting these traits even wtihout realising that we are doing it.  The shrink-wrapped, glossy secular society that we live in, poisoned as it is by its superficial attractions, the artifical lure of instant gratification, hollow promises and ephemeral sensations, drives us to be seduced into accepting character faults in ourselves even when we truly believe, with an earnest heart, that we are living as Christians not of this word, but in it (John 15: 19).

If we allow ourselves to fall prey to these ugly traits, which may naturally arise as a response to situations that all married couples find themselves in, especially in the early years, then it is all too easy to allow them to become your habitual mind-set.  As wives, it is our duty to submit to our husbands (Ephesians 5: 22).  But that is not to say that it will necessarily come naturally!  There may well be times when we become convinced, by our prideful natures, that we shoudn't submit!   In our weakness and inexperience, and in our unwillingness to serve God through serving our husbands, we may be sure that our way is better, that our rights are greater, that our needs are more.  And we respond then with a heart of selfishness, not one of humility and meekness.  

It can be a downward spiral, where we practise our negative responses even without thinking about it, and it becomes a habit that is ingrained in our natures.  But we can - and must change.  Rather than responding to the difficult emotions that cause us to react so selfishly, we can choose an attitude of meekness and humility.  It might not come easily - and we will never be able to divest ourselves of it compltely, fallen sinners that we are, but if we are to seek to please God, we have a duty to adopt a spirit of humility as we serve our husbands.   As Christ's disciples, our actions should reflect the state of our hearts so that all that we do speaks of His goodness  -

"As in water face answereth to face,

So the heart of man to man" (Proverbs 27: 19).

Paul, writing in Colossians, Chapter 3, tells us that we must clothe ourselves in humility so that our characters can reflect the goodness that Christ reflected - goodness that through understanding God's plan for us, we must absorb into our natures.  It isn't just about our behaviour - it is about our spirit too - our hearts.  Not just acts of humility but the state of truly being humble.  It is simple enough.  We may choose to carry on as we are, living as everyone else does, but telling ourselves that we are Christians so we are different.  Or we can have the courage to follow Christ's example, working God's plan for us into our lives and seeing the world through Him, and not through the false vision of secular society, and thus enjoy the blessings that a Godly life may bring - in every aspect of our relationships, but especially, in our marriages.

 ^"Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;

Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.
And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.
And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.
And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.
Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God;
And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;
Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ". (Colossians 3: 12 - 24).



Good Food And Happy Families

Source for this image here.

Isn't this a sweet picture?  It is by a painter called Harold Harvey, who painted it in 1909.  I think it is probably oil on canvas, but as it is quite dark it is difficult to see.   It minds me of the sweet days, so long ago now, when our cubs were wee babies in bonnets and bootees!

Even when our cubs were babies, we always ate our meals as a family.  We sat together at the table, even when our children were too small to actually sit.  For us, it was just a continuation of what we had experienced ourselves as children, so we had no other expectation than that we would carry this habit on once we were married and had children of our own.  Even today, with our children grown and studying at college, we still dine together at least once a day - usually twice - and at the weekends, three times.  For us it is a time that we all look forward to and enjoy - a time for fellowship and sharing - good food and closeness, and a time to celebrate the blessings that our Father God has brought us -

" ... every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters, and he that hath no money; come ye, buy, and eat; yea, come, buy wine and milk without money and without price.
Wherefore do ye spend money for that which is not bread? and your labour for that which satisfieth not? hearken diligently unto me, and eat ye that which is good, and let your soul delight itself in fatness" (Isaiah 55: 1 - 2).

However, it is not the case for every family - today in our newspaper, there was a short article about the decline of family mealtimes, and how the tradition of sitting down together to eat as a family unit is becoming less and less the norm, and more commonly now, families will eat separately - and not necessarily all at the same time.  The study that reported this information pointed to this decline as the main cause of the deterioration of manners (not just table manners) in children, and concluded that it was vitally important that families share their meals at the table, for many reasons.  Some of the negative results of not dining together as a family were observed as -

Selfishness
Isolation
Poor communication skills
Rudeness
Unhealthy eating habits
Disobedience
Increased and inappropriate use of social media
Lack of co-operation and integration between family members

The article also featured a "checklist" of suggestions for encouraging better manners in children - though by the time they are old enough to be sitting at a table and feeding themmselves independently, if they have not learned proper table manners already, it is probably going to be an uphill struggle to instill them, because the early years, when children are more able to learn by example, and more willing to copy their parents and be less rebellious, is the time when good eating habits and social skills should be developed.

Papa Bear and I have been talking about writing some more generalised posts about child training and education in the near future, but we both felt that this was an issue that highlights very well, the importance of prioritising the role of the family in helping to model to our children the way that, as God's servants, they are expected to behave.  Without good examples from father and mother, there is no hope that a child will be able to learn to conduct itself acceptably.  It is the responsibilty of the parents to ensure that their children learn - from birth onwards - how to behave in a way that is pleasing not just to them, but to God also.  And where better to start, than at mealtimes? 

I am going to write more about the importance of good food and how it impacts on our lives in tomorrow's post - we are going to be changing our menu a little in the next few weeks, and I shall share the details of just how - and why - tomorrow.  We are going to be trying something a little bit different, just for a while!  Nothing big or which involves fancy recipes or expensive and unusual ingredients - just simple, but wholesome, with as always, a focus on it being frugal but tasty and enjoyable.  And most importantly, food that we enjoy sharing - as a family.  We feel very strongly that sharing and enjoying our meals together as we have always done - and shall continue to do - is certainly something that has helped to tighten the bonds that we have to one another, and which enables us to rejoyce in our love for each other, and for our Father God.

"And in the same house remain, eating and drinking such things as they give: for the labourer is worthy of his hire. Go not from house to house". (Luke 10: 7).