Family First

"And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God". (Romans 12: 2).

Source for the image above here.

Did you know that a survey in the English newspaper, The Daily Mail, reported that a fifth of all 4 year olds has a TV in their bedroom?  And did you also know that as many as 90 per cent of 8 - 16 year olds have accessed explicit images on the internet?

Whilse these figures are in themselves shocking, to us it is equally shocking that children as young as this should be allowed to have access to televisions and computers unsupervised.  No child of 4 needs a TV in their bedroom - when on earth would they be watching it?  Especially alone - a bedroom is for sleeping in!   Of course, everyone knows (or should know) of the dangers of the internet - but still, some children are allowed to use computers out of sight of their parents - and once again, this does not have to be so.  No child of any age should be made to sit alone in their bedroom or study, surfing the internet for hours with no supervision.  Unrestricted access to the internet - even for adults - is dangerous and unwholesome and can lead to many problems when done in excess.

These figures tell us a great deal about what is wrong with the permissive and secular society in which we live today, where people are motivated by their wants and impulses, instead of by what is morally correct.  The damage to children that inappropriate and unsupervised use of media like the TV and internet does, has far-reaching consequences.  One hundred years ago, when there was no TV and the concept of the internet had yet even to be dreamed of, society was a very different place.  According to the website "History Today", the crime rate in England per 100,000 population rose from 249 in 1901, to 6,674 in 1984 - an enormous increase not just attributable to changes in the law such as the abolition of capital punishment in 1960.    The type of crime has changed too - as recently as in the last 40 years, the yearly number of murder convictions has doubled.  In 1962 very few people owned a TV - nowadays, most households have more than one.

"And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up". (Deuteronomy 6: 7).

This is God's instruction for us as parents - not just to teach our children the principles of a Godly life, but to set an example to them by our own behaviour.  It would be hypocritical to do otherwise - but yet, how many of us do have "double standards" that we practise, in the area of child-rearing?

Children are born with inquisitive, hungry minds.  To them, the whole world and everything in it, is a wonderful invitation to explore.  They have no sense of danger, nor of what is right or wrong - or good or evil.  It is up to us, their parents, to instruct and train them in what is morally and socially acceptable - and to instill in them a knowledge of our Father God, through study of His word, and practise of the principles for daily living that it commands.   It is our responsibility to protect them from the influences of the secular world - as I have spoken of before - and we must do this by instructing and demonstrating to them what is desirable behaviour, and what isn't.  But simply cushioning them from the negative forces of society isn't sufficient - they have to grow a conscience of their own, so that they can be equipped as adults to make wise and sensible choices independently.  And this can only be done, within the enveloping fold of the family environment - the very place where we should be able to feel confident that they are safe.

"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it". (Proverbs 22: 6).

When our cubs were babies, we did not give much active consideration to the precise details of how we would raise our children.  We seemed to have a natural, shared (though never discussed) assumption, that we would treat them, as our parents had treated us, with the same standards and expectations.  We didn't ever feel that we needed to sit down together and plan how we would raise our children.  It just seemed to happen naturally in the way that it needed to.  We have never used physical admonishment to train our children - we haven't ever found it to be necessary.  Our (and our Church's) interpretation of the passages of scripture that exhorts this ( which is referenced in Proverbs 13: 24, and Proverbs 23: 13 - 14) is that a child should be admonished if they are misbehaving - that indeed is what the Bible teaches - but only when that happens.  If you are able to raise your children to avoid misbehaving in the first place, then obviously, physical admonishment isn't required.  This is how it was for us.  We had standards of behaviour that we expected and our children obeyed us - every time.

You might be thinking that this is impossible - that all children misbehave.  Some people might even argue that teenage rebellion is neccessary so that a child can become fully independent and separate from their parents.  But we have not found this to be so.  Of course, there were - and still are - minor misdemeanours, like leaving shoes in the hallway, or not putting books away in the right place, but we've managed to avoid serious misbehaviour by ...

1.  Setting an example.  As I say above, this is so important - if you can't show that you expect standards of conduct in yourself, then you are never going to be able to achieve them with your children.

2.  Having a happy marriage.  Parents that fight or argue, wives that disrepsect their husbands, and couples that have very different values and goals, will find it difficult to raise obedient and diligent children.

3.  Prioritising time spent together as a family.  You'll often hear couples saying that they think it is important to have separate interests - or even separate groups of friends.  Papa Bear and I don't agree - we like to spend all our free time together - or with our children.  Papa Bear has some hobbies that he enjoys separately from me - but much of the time, Cubby Bear is enjoying them too!  We prefer to be all together as a family just now.  We know it won't last - in a few years, our cubs will likely have families of their own - so we are treasuring these last few years of this season of parenthood and spending as much time as possible with our children as we can.

4.  Homeschooling.  I do honestly believe this is the best way to ensure that children grow up to share the values of their parents - and I say this as someone who was not homeschooled myself.  Papa Bear was - and so were our parents - but until 14 I did attend school - and it took a few years to unlearn some of the worldly behaviours that I had picked up there after I had left.  Thankfully I had Papa Bear to guide me, but if you want to mould your children to be productive, responsible, honest and diligent, keeping them at home with you will result in these character qualities being instilled at a far earlier age - and with far less pain, than if they attend a public school.  The educational priorities that state schools place on their teaching are not those that we had for our cubs - so we chose to teach them at home.  We are very glad that we did - and they are now both studying successfully for higher qualifications at college with equally good predictions for their grades as their classmates, who were educated at school.

5.  Making our faith - and our Father God - a central part of daily life, and a focus for our activities. 

6.  Instilling Godly standards of behaviour from a very early age - and positively reinforcing these.  We've done this by rewarding our children when they behave well - and practising repetitions of good behavioural patterns (such as sitting still in Church, not interrupting when a parent or sibling is speaking, being polite to people in shops etc) until they are ingrained in our children's hearts. 

7.  Having sensible and realistic consequences for misdemeanours - that mean something to the child.  When the cubs were small, if they were bickering over a toy, the toy was removed from sight until they could agree to share nicely.  In those days, we use to go out for lunch after Church - so if they were restless during the service, the meal was cancelled!  Yes, we all had to suffer the result of one person's misdemeanour, but it meant that the motivation to behave well was far stronger - because it benefited everyone, not just one person.  We have found this kind of positive discipline to be very effective, because there is a cause and effect - simply switching or spanking your child only teaches them that there is an unpleasant consequence to their behaviour - not why they have misbehaved.  It removes any sense of responsibility for their behaviour because the punishment is short lived - and doesn't encourage them to grow in self-control.  We have found that our methods of admonishment has led to having children who are considerate, thoughtful and responsible, and who understand the consequences of their actions - not just for them, but equally importantly, for other people too.   I am not suggesting that our methods will work for everyone - we've been blessed with unusually placid and happy children - but they have certainly worked for us.

8.  Avoiding use of the television as a source of entertainment.  We do have a TV - and Papa Bear does like to watch it in the evening to unwind after a hard day at work or when his football team is featured on a sports channel.  But he does screen what we watch - and often, we will watch a DVD that he has checked out for suitability first, rather than just channel-hopping.  Some days the TV stays off altogether.  When the football is on, he and Cubby tend to watch it while Little Bear and I will sit with them to offer support, whilse simultaneously working on a craft project, or reading a book.  That way we are all together though not necessarily all doing the same thing!

9.  Likewise the computer is used as an educational tool, rather than a source of entertainment.   We only got our computer 6 years ago - before then we didn't own one.  A couple of years ago when the cubs had finished their compulsory education and were enrolled in college, we decided to see if we could trust them with it upstairs in Little Bear's bedroom.  It has worked well - we have a filter on it, but we know we can rely on them anyways not to access inappropriate sites - and they don't.   We think this is probably because by then, they were old enough to make wise decisions for themselves about what to access on the internet - decisions guided not just by our example, but by their own desire to serve God and obey the commands of Scripture.  Having a heart to serve God like this is a character quality that takes time to nurture.  If we had allowed them this access when they were younger, and neither responsible nor strongly convicted enough to make sensible choices, then they probably wouldn't have used it so carefully.  In that case, it would have been our fault - not theirs, for giving them a privelige they weren't yet mature enough to use wisely.  This is key to the role of parents of older children - guaging how mature a child is, so that their responsibilities can be allocated appropriately.  Too much freedom is as damaging to a child as too little - a balance needs to be found.

10.  What alternatives are there, for family entertainment, if you don't wish to watch TV or allow your children regular internet access?  Well, here are some that we enjoy as a family ...

• Jigsaw puzzles - we often have a puzzle spread out on our dining table on a large board that can easily be slipped under the settee when we are eating.  You can buy special mats that will roll up with the jigsaw stuck to it too.  We especially like the range of puzzles that feature the art work of the famous painter, Thomas Kinkade, and we also enjoy doing wildlife puzzles and pictures of pretty outdoor scenes.
• Cooking - it's great fun to cook a meal together!  The work goes faster when there are several pairs of hands, and somehow the food tastes better when it's been prepared with so much pleasure and love.
• Decorating - family decorating projects are a tradition in our home.  We've moved house so many times that we have a routine in place now.  Each person is allocated a room (bedrooms for children - kitchen for me, living room for Papa Bear and so on) that they are the "supervisor" of, and they get to choose the decor and how the furniture will be arranged.  We never have much money to spend on decorating or home improvements, so part of the fun is seeing how inventive we can be with our projects.  Once we have it all worked out, we delegate tasks to the rest of the "team" and set to work!  We play music or audio books, or sing together, and it is always good fun, helping each other out.  The result is a home that has been lovingly put together by all the family!
• Bible study, prayer and Church - all these activities are central to the foundation of a happy family - and are the cement that holds us together.  We tend to do devotions in the evenings now, rather than at breakfast as this fits better with our schedules.  Papa Bear and I do a devotion together before we rise for breakfast, but we share our evening one with the cubs too.  On Sundays, we all go to Church together.  Even when the cubs were tiny, we kept them with us at Church for the whole service - we never wanted them to attend "Sunday School" as we feel that the service should be for the whole family - and we wanted to be able to monitor what they were learning.
• Pets - our birds are part of our family too!  We all enjoy being involved in their care, and they are often a source of amusement with their funny antics - and a conversation point, too.
• Physical activity - walking, running, football, climbing, flying kites - all these are fun and healthy and encourage team work and bonding.
• Picnics and days out - it goes without saying that this is always a fun thing to do together.  Some people might have been surprised that we included the cubs on our anniversary day out last Friday - but for us, it was important that we shared our special day with the 2 people we love the most. 

 After all, our precious cubs are the product of one very happy marriage!

My Soul Shall Live For Him

"The king shall joy in thy strength, oh Lord; and in thy salvation how greatly shall he rejoice!
Thou hast given him his heart's desire, and hast not withholden the request of his lips. Selah.
 For thou preventest him with the blessings of goodness: thou settest a crown of pure gold on his head.
He asked life of thee, and thou gavest it him, even length of days for ever and ever.
His glory is great in thy salvation: honour and majesty hast thou laid upon him.
 For thou hast made him most blessed for ever: thou hast made him exceeding glad with thy countenance.
For the king trusteth in the Lord, and through the mercy of the most High he shall not be moved.
Thine hand shall find out all thine enemies: thy right hand shall find out those that hate thee.
Thou shalt make them as a fiery oven in the time of thine anger: the Lord shall swallow them up in his wrath, and the fire shall devour them.
Their fruit shalt thou destroy from the earth, and their seed from among the children of men.
For they intended evil against thee: they imagined a mischievous device, which they are not able to perform.
Therefore shalt thou make them turn their back, when thou shalt make ready thine arrows upon thy strings against the face of them.
Be thou exalted, Lord, in thine own strength: so will we sing and praise thy power" (Psalm 21, 1 - 13).

Our Love Still Blossoms

Today it is our one hundreth blog post here at A Tranquil Heart.  And it seems very fitting that at the same time, we should finally have worked out how to use the new Blogger interface!  He he!  We had been working in HMTL the whole time, having not seen that right next to the HMTL button above the window where you write your post, there is one called "Compose", and clicking on that takes you to a whole different setup, which is so much easier to use!   Papa Bear had a look at it today and quickly worked out what I had been doing wrong - thank you SO MUCH, sweet Papa Bear!  I cannot tell you how happy it makes me!

In fact I have lots of "thank you"'s to say to my sweet hubby just now!  We have been blessed to enjoy the most loveliest of days yesterday on our wedding anniversary, and I wanted to share some of the details with you today - partly so that I can preserve them in writing to read over again, whenever I want to be reminded of what a special day we had - but also because it was such a really very lovely day!  I promise to be quick and not to bore you ...

Our day started with Papa Bear surprising me with a beautiful gift- the lovely china set that you see in the picture up there.  Ohhhhh!  I was so happy and excited when I unwrapped it!  I had really not imagined that I would get any gift at all (this one isn't a "big" anniversary - not quite yet) so you can imagine my amazement when I saw such a huge pile of presents, all for me!  He had wrapped them all in paper with pretty red roses on it, which was a hint to what was inside (only I didn't realise it until afterwards!  I was too excited!).  I was so surprised when I opened the smallest box first, and found a sweet wee teapot - we have a big one for when we have company, which matches my second-best china set, that has hearts and chickens on it (you can see some of the matching pieces in photographs of our kitchen), but we didn't have a smaller teapot suitable for one or two people.  Well, we do now!  Along with that were cups and saucers, a milk and sugar bowl set, a dining set for four, and, oh, so lovely - a beautiful cake stand and matching cake slice, all in the same gorgeous "Rosa" pattern.  There is even a tea cosy to go with it - and a tray to put everything on!  Oh my goodness me - I was so overwhelmed, I cried!  (I often do this when Papa Bear gives me presents, because they are always so lovely and unexpected, and then he worries that I am crying becuase I don't like his gift!  Of course not - I always adore everything that he gives me).  I was particularly moved by this gift, partly because it was so thoughtful and perfect, and exactly what I wanted, but also because I had been planning as a surprise for our evening meal, a sweet "English High Tea".  I knew we would not be wanting a huge evening meal, having had a larger than usual lunch of fish and chips that we were planning to enjoy (and did) at the seaside, so I thought a tea, with sandwiches, scones and cakes, would be nice instead.  I was intending to use the beautiful "Eternal Beau" dining set that was our wedding present (each guest gave us a separate piece - many sadly now gone after 11 house moves and hence we don't use it any more except on special occasions as it is so precious) but when I saw my wonderful anniversary gifts, I knew they would be just right to serve our special meal on!  Papa Bear was so delighted when I told him!   Here is a closer picture that I took to try to show the pattern ...

And one of the cake stand and tea cosy ...

After some more present opening (yes, Papa Bear got gifts too!  In our family, we tend to celebrate anniversaries more lavishly than we do birthdays) we got ready to go out for our trip to the seaside.  Before that though, we stopped off for breakfast at a lovely Italian cafe where we have been several times before - but never for breakfast!  Everyone enjoyed themselves very much indeed.  The menfolk had big plates of grilled bacon and eggs with sourdough bread, and Little Bear chose croissant and coffee.  I had a delicious fruit salad with sheep's milk yogurt which was very yummy indeed.  We continued our journey will very full stomachs after that!

Oh it was cold at the seaside here, yesterday!  Not at all like ordinary May weather.  But it didn't rain, and the sun shone most of the time, so we had a lovely day out regardless.  The seaside town that we visited is very pretty and quaint, very much like the towns at the Isle of Wight, where Papa Bear and I spent our honeymoon.  I shall write about that another time - because Queen Victoria's holiday home, Osbourne House, is situated there, and it is worth a mention separately as it is so wonderful and inspiring.  Yesterday we were able to remember our precious happy week at the Isle of Wight, visiting all the beautiful towns and villages there and seeing all the wonderful sights.  Like the Isle of Wight, the town we went to yesterday has winding narrow streets lined with many Victorian buildings and smaller beach houses that are decorated in nautical themes with seashells, pieces of rope and driftwood, anchors, bouys and bright ribbons of colourful bunting outside them.  We enjoyed looking at all the different designs, and at the pretty shop-fronts which were like old-fashion stores with their bowed windows full of lovely things to buy.  In fact we didn't really buy much - though we found a store that sold discounted wool, and Papa Bear bought me 4 balls of white wool to finish a jumper (sweater) I have started (using the rest of the wool that I got last week, to create the birthday chicks for 2 of our friends at Church) and also 4 balls of a pretty, variegated pastel wool to make a proper "sea lettuce" scarf out of.  I was extremely happy with these!    There was also a wonderful sweet shop, like something out of a child's storybook - the shelves lined with bottles and jars of the most enormous array of sweets I have ever seen - every colour and type you can imagine.  Sweet Little Bear surprised everyone after we had looked inside by running back and buying us all a treat!  She gave me the most delicious coconut ice - pink and white, with dark chocolate all around it.  We all had a taste and declared it the tastiest candy we've ever eaten - so much so in fact, that today I have looked and found on the internet, a recipe to try to make some more!  I shall share in another post how we get on with that ... if I can make some, it will be lovely to give as gifts in Christmas baskets and such.

We also walked along the beach, which is pebbled rather than sandy, and therefore much better for strolling along on a cold day, when you don't want to remove your shoes!  Thank goodness the tide was out, else we would not have been able to do that.  We saw lots of poor chilly seagulls circling over the dark waves, and Papa Bear and Cubby skimmed stones across the water too (they are very good at doing this!).  After that, it was time for some fish and chips, which we ate out of their paper packages, leaning on the stone wall that surrounds the path above the beach.  They tasted soooo good eaten like that!  The others also had ice creams, but I was far too cold for that!  It was such fun being out all together for the day.  We don't often get a chance to do this - we have to budget carefully for days out, and it isn't often that all of us -  apart from on public holidays, which yesterday wasn't - get a full day off all together, now that the Cubs are at college.  So we cherished every moment of our time spent as a family and all enjoyed ourselves thoroughly!

When we got home, I started to prepare the tea!  We had ...

Smoked salmon, cream cheese and cucumber on wholegrain bread sandwiches
Ham and English mustard on white bread sandwiches
Egg and cress on mixed grain bread sandwiches
Miniature cheese scones
Flaky cheese straws
Spinach and strawberry salad
Traditional English raspberry trifles
Victoria sponge cake

To drink we enjoyed cups of tea - of course!  Though there was also pink lemonade for those that preferred a cold drink!  And oh it looked ever so pretty on my beautiful new china!   Just perfect for the occasion.  Isn't Papa Bear clever to think of such a fitting gift?  I don't know how he knew, but he did - he always suprises me like this.  Before we ate, he said a different grace from the usual one, that he had composed especially for our anniversary.  It was so lovely, and this morning he gave me a written copy of it to keep forever - oh, isn't he the most romantic husband in the world?  Well, I certainly think so!

In the evening, we watched the film adaptation of Jane Austen's "Emma", which we have seen before, but enjoyed again for the period costumes and romantic plot - perfect for a wedding anniversary - and then we played Bananagrams!  We really enjoy this game - you can play it in teams or as individuals, and unlike Scrabble, there's no board, and no counting at the end.  You just have to see who makes the most words.  We played as teams first - ladies and gentlemen, then Cubby and Little Bear against Papa Bear and I, and then Papa Bear and Little Bear, and Cubby and I.  After that we played individually.  And almost every single round was won by Little Bear!  I think she has been practising in secret!  We decided that for Christmas, we must get a new family game, so the Cubs are busy researching that - there are so many hundreds to choose from!

It was truly too lovely for us to want the day to end, but end it must, and we all went to bed last night feeling so happy - and so full of love for each other.  As Papa Bear wrote in his prayer before our meal, we are truly so blessed to have such a close and happy family, and for that we thank our Father God - for our precious joyful union is evidence of His work in our lives, and of his everlasting love for us, too.

"And I will betroth thee unto me for ever; yea, I will betroth thee unto me in righteousness, and in judgment, and in lovingkindness, and in mercies.
 I will even betroth thee unto me in faithfulness: and thou shalt know the Lord". (Hosea 2, 19 - 20).

Love Divine

Happy Anniversary!

We have had such a wonderful day celebrating our wedding anniversary! But it isn't finished yet - we have all the evening yet still to enjoy. We will be back tomorrow to share what we have done (and eaten!) but until then please do enjoy this lovely hymn - which was the first that we had at our wedding!

Dearest Papa Bear, Sala Romdir Devus, mandi nukipeli komlo Roam. So mandi kam, chor Kuchi Kuleli xxxxxxxxx

A Royal Love Story

Tomorrow Papa Bear and I celebrate our wedding anniversary! We are so looking forwards to our special day, and plan to do some nice things together, including a trip to the seaside! With every year that goes by, our marriage seems to strengthen and grow, and yet we both feel that there is still so much to discover! We love to remember our beautiful wedding day, and to treasure how very much it meant to us, but we also use our anniversary as a time to look eagerly into the future, and think of the many more happy years ahead that we have together - as a couple, and as proud parents to our sweet son and daughter!

Don't worry - we are not going to bore everyone now with a long "how we met" testimony. Although it is always sweet to see other people's heartfelt stories of their betrothal and marriage and to know of how deep their love and respect is for each other, Papa Bear and I feel that unless you actually know the people whose personal story you are sharing then it is somehow perhaps a wee bit intrusive to read something so private and precious to that particular couple. It is lovely to know that other couples who have been married for a long time, as Papa Bear and I have (he he! We're not quite pensioners yet!) still do feel just in much as love as we do, though, and want to celebrate their special union as we plan to do tomorrow. We always find the example of other married couples who have been married as long as we have a great inspiration (we were betrothed as children and married as soon as we were legally of age - our marriage was not arranged, but it was expected, by our family - and we're very grateful to them for that!). Like those other married couples, we've learned that the secrets to having a wonderful and successful marriage aren't so very complicated - they're quite straightforward really, and the foundation of this is of course, a shared love not just for each other, but for our Father God - and hearts that are willing to serve Him and live out His plan for us. Without His divine presence in our marriage, we know it would be harder to work at, and that this would cause unecessary strain and difficulties. But for us, as it is, we are lucky to celebrate not just the big occasions like anniversaries, but every single day together. We're just as much in love now, as we were when we took our vows!

I've recently been finding out a little more about one of our most famous monarchs, Queen Victoria, who reigned in England between 1837 and 1891. I've been inspired to do this partly because of my interest in the Victorian era (which is far more complex and diverse than I had ever imagined) and also because on a personal level, the lovely story of her romance and marriage to Prince Albert is so moving. It really is a royal love story! And there are some sweet parallels with our very own love story too! Here are a few facts you might be interested to know about Queen Victoria and her marriage to Prince Albert ...

She and Albert were first cousins who were introduced by their parents (her mother and his father, who were sister and brother), and they quickly fell in love, although they did not court to begin with and were not betrothed until after she had begun her reign. After they married they fell quickly in love, and it was a passionate love - on her wedding night Queen Victoria wrote that -

"I NEVER, NEVER spent such an evening!!! MY DEAREST DEAREST DEAR Albert ... his excessive love & affection gave me feelings of heavenly love & happiness I never could have hoped to have felt before! He clasped me in his arms, & we kissed each other again & again! His beauty, his sweetness & gentleness – really how can I ever be thankful enough to have such a Husband! ... to be called by names of tenderness, I have never yet heard used to me before – was bliss beyond belief! Oh! This was the happiest day of my life!"

I think I wrote something very similar in my diary, on my wedding night too!

As was the case with us, Queen Victoria and Prince Albert became parents to a little girl very soon after their marriage, who was followed quickly after - once again just as was the case for us, by a wee boy! Queen Victoria and Prince Albert were very blessed to have 9 children in total. Their names were (in descending order) - Victoria, Albert, Alice, Alfred, Helena, Louise, Arthur, Leopold and Beatrice. What lovely old-fashion names! We like that just as we had chosen to do, the loving couple chose to use their own names for their first 2 children. How romantic!

Queen Victoria was devastated by the passing of her beloved Prince Albert when he caught typhoid fever in 1861. She mourned so deeply that she never stopped wearing her black "widow's weeds", and kept the room in which he passed (the very room where they had been introduced as teenagers in 1839), as a shrine to him. Her grieving changed her way of ruling the country, as he had been a great support to her during his lifetime, and she became reclusive and isolated. In 1897, however, she did celebrate her Diamond Jubilee - just as our own Queen Elizabeth shall do, this coming June!

Although it was accepted at the time of her reign that a woman should be the Monarch of the country, rather than a man (due to the English laws of accession), Queen Victoria was not a feminist, and thoroughly disapproved of the idea of women adapting the roles of men in society. In 1870, she wrote that -

" I am most anxious to enlist everyone who can speak or write to join in checking this mad, wicked folly of 'Women's Rights', with all its attendant horrors, on which her poor feeble sex is bent, forgetting every sense of womanly feelings and propriety. Feminists ought to get a good whipping. Were woman to 'unsex' themselves by claiming equality with men, they would become the most hateful, heathen and disgusting of beings and would surely perish without male protection."

And she also commented that -

"I love peace and quiet, I hate politics and turmoil. We women are not made for governing, and if we are good women, we must dislike these masculine occupations. There are times which force one to take interest in them, and I do, of course intensely"

I like to think that if I had been alive when Queen Victoria reigned, I should have found her to be a great role model - devoted to her husband, firm in her beliefs, and committed to the traditions and values that keep families together and marriages stable. But even so, over one hundred years later, I can still look to her example, and pray that Papa Bear and I will one day indeed, be celebrating our "diamond jubilee" together!

Wednesday's Workbox (2nd May)

I stitched this applique centrepiece for our dining table when our cubs were wee - quite a few years ago! It was something I could pick up and work on now and then in a few spare minutes, whilse simultaneously keeping an eye on them as they played or worked at their assignments, as it was easy to put down whenever they needed my attention and pick up again later (knitting is not so easy to do this with - especially if you are working on a complicated pattern! But crochet blankets were another project I could do in this way - and still do today).

Like the crochet blankets I work which use all my spare bits of yarn left over from bigger knitting projects, this piece of stitching designed itself! It is made up of left over bits of fabric from garments and home furnishings that I have sewn over the years, together with some pieces of felt fabric that Little Bear used when she was learning to sew, and odd wee notions and bits of habadashery that I had in my sewing box. I used a large piece of undyed calico as the backing, and blanket-stitched it all round to prevent it from fraying with red embroidery floss. I then cut the heart shapes freehand, using the first one as a template for the others. After that I was able to work on each heart individually, creating designs with the odds and ends that I had. I remember really enjoying this part of the work - I could sew each heart in about an hour, and I worked several more in matching pairs, which I then stitched together and stuffed with wadding to use as decorations at Christmas. Little Bear was also inspired to sew some of her own - small shapes like this are ideal for a little girl to learn her stitches and to make into a manageable and rewarding project of her own. I recommend felt fabric for younger girls to sew with as it is extremely easy to work on - being stiff but flexible, it is easy to cut, and it doesn't fray either. It has a good texture for beginner sewers to sew with as it holds the stitches well and is easy to handle, but its major drawback is that it cannot be washed (although we use this piece of stitching as a centrepiece for the dining table, it is removed when we actually sit down to eat, for this reason. I also like to drape it over the radiator in our hallway sometimes, as it looks pretty hanging there and brightens up an otherwise quite plain area of our home). For other little girl projects such as dolls clothes, that will need to be washable, I would use a medium weight brushed cotton, which is thicker and therefore easier to handle than ordinary polycotton or cotton fabric, and seems not to fray as easily either.

Piecing the hearts together on the large block of fabric was a bit like making up a patchwork quilt (something I have only ever done once - when I was expecting Little Bear. I created a beautiful cot quilt for her in floral greens, peaches and creams, edged with the prettiest cream cotton lace - very feminine, so it was just as well our first baby was a little girl!) - there were only 9 hearts, but I enjoyed taking time to switch them around until I had a combination that I really liked. Then I pinned and basted them on using an invisible stitch, and it was done! It was so easy, and I was so pleased with the result that I remember having grand ideas that I would make a cover like this for our bed, but not using felt - but other projects became more important, so that is another one still on my long, long list of sewing to-do's!

Applique is fun to do because unlike patchwork, it doesn't need to be measured precisely. It's a bit like making a collage out of fabric - your imagination is the only limit to what you can create. This is a really simple example - if you look on the internet or in craft magazines or books, you'll see some really wonderful designs - ones that look like landscapes or sunsets, or exotic animals with layers of texture and colour to create their coats. Art galleries are another source of inspiration for creative needlework like this - and they're often free to visit, too! Using up your spare bits and bobs of fabric like this is a great way to be frugal as well - and you fetch up with something lovely for your home, or to give as a gift, as the end result too.

Tuesday's Time To (1st May)

Today's Tuesday's Time To was chosen by Papa Bear. He has a sore throat from all the singing he's been enjoying, so instead of singing to me, he chose a song from YouTube instead. And isn't it a lovely one? Just listening to it really cheered me up - and I decided to use it for today's Tuesday's Time To post, which is also inspired by the first eight verses of Ecclesiastes 3 -

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Spicy Spanish Sausage Stew

This stew is usually a staple on our table througout the autumn and winter months. It has a warm, smoky flavour ideally situed to cold frosty days, and the bold colours bring welcome brightness no matter how grey and gloomy it is outside. Every year when I first cook it, around about the middle of September, standing in the dusky kitchen as the shadows start to grow longer and the leaves spiral down from the nearly-bare trees outside our kitchen window, the scent of it cooking makes me think of Christmas, and the joy of being cosy together indoors again after the long light evenings of summer. After Christmas and with the coming once more of spring, we tend to move more towards dishes that are less intensely flavoured, but just recently, this stew has been separately requested by each and every member of my family, so today, this was what was on the menu for our evening meal - and it was received with great delight! We eat this served with rice and perhaps some bread, and somehow - I know not why - it always manages to make five servings - so there is enough left over for Papa Bear to take to work with him the next day for his lunch! It's packed with goodies - plenty of vitamins, iron and fibre, and keeps well in the fridge for a day or two - or in the freezer for up to a month.

To make this delicious stew you will need ...

1 red onion, chopped
2 ribs celery, chopped
2 carrots, chopped
200g Spanish chorizo sausage or other spicy sausage of your choise, cut into 1/4 inch thick slices. If you use chorizo, ensure the casing has been peeled away before you cut it into pieces. Little Bear loves doing this - she says it is almost as fun as popping bubble wrap!
1 14 oz can butterbeans (or the same amount prepared from dried)
1 14 oz can chickpeas or garbanzo beans (or the same amount prepared from dried)
1 14 oz can chopped tomatoes with garlic and herbs
1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
1 dessert spoon sherry vinegar (or apple cider vinegar, if you don't have sherry vinegar - I do usually use sherry vinegar but once when I had run out, I used apple cider vinegar instead, and no one noticed! Don't be tempted to leave it out altogether - it adds a tangy but subtle depth of flavour that is missing without it)
Enough stock to cover - chicken or vegetable
Half a bag of fresh spinach leaves, well washed

1. Start by sauteeing the onion, celery and carrots in a large pan until tender but not browned.

2. Add the chorizo pieces, and turn up the heat. Stir well and allow to braise in the pan until the bright red juices of the sausage have been released (about 5 - 7 minutes). Your kitchen will quickly start to smell wonderful!

3. Add the paprika and sherry or apple cider vinegar, and stir rapidly for a minute or two. More delicious scents will start to fill your kitchen. Stir until the vinegar has mostly cooked away (about 2 or 3 minutes), then reduce the heat and sautee whilst stirring for another 5 minutes or so.

4. Add the tomatoes, and turn up the heat until they are bubbling.

5. Now add the pulses, and stir to combine well.

6. Cover with stock (I usually put the kettle on to boil when I start cooking, and then just quickly reboil it at this point, to make up enough stock to cover the contents of the pan - don't overfill - you will need about 1/2 - 3/4 pint at most).

7. Now cover the pan with a lid, and turn down the heat to the second-lowest setting (5 on our hob). Allow to simmer for about 30 minutes, stirring occasionally. If the liquid starts to reduce too much, add a little more stock.

8. After 30 minutes, uncover the pan and add the spinach. It will seem as if there is too much at first, but it will quickly wilt and can be combined into the stew. Allow this to cook for about 10 more minutes, and then the stew is ready to eat! Yum! It's so easy - and if you use canned pulses, this dish can be ready from scratch in less than an hour.

How Great Thou Art

"The Lord reigneth, he is clothed with majesty; the Lord is clothed with strength, wherewith he hath girded himself: the world also is stablished, that it cannot be moved.
Thy throne is established of old: thou art from everlasting.
The floods have lifted up, oh Lord, the floods have lifted up their voice; the floods lift up their waves.
The Lord on high is mightier than the noise of many waters, yea, than the mighty waves of the sea.
Thy testimonies are very sure: holiness becometh thine house, oh Lord, for ever". (Psalm 93, 1 - 5).

Today I did not go to Church, as my arthritis was very painful indeed. The pain woke me early this morning and I did not go back to sleep, so I am very tired also. But when Papa Bear came back from Church with the cubs, he was singing Alan Jackson's version of this beautiful hymn (I knew it was Alan Jackson's version, because when Papa Bear sings, it sounds very much like him. He likes his country praise music a lot). They had not sung this hymn in Church today but they did have a reading of Psalm 93, and the words are very fitting! Papa Bear knows I love this hymn and it cheered me up very much indeed to hear his lovely voice filling the room. My pain began to get much better then! He also told me of a lovely idea - a way for us to celebrate our wedding anniversary this coming Friday. We had not planned to do much, because I had expected that he would be working. But he told me today, he has taken the day off! And better still, he is going to take me out on a special trip ... to the seaside! Best of all, we shall be having fish and chips to eat whilse we are there - outside, which is the very best way of all to enjoy our favourite takeaway meal! Ohhh! Papa Bear you are so sweet to me! I am very excited about that, and so are the Cubs (who will be coming with us too). I hope the week doesn't go too slowly while we all have to wait for our special day out! Whatever the weather, I know it will be fun!

A Treat For A Rainy Day

Oh dear me! The weather where we live just now has been so terrible! It has rained nearly all day today. Dark clouds and icy winds haven't helped - it feels as if it is November, not almost May! But we always look forward to rainy Saturdays like this - it means we can all enjoy being cosy at home together!

We had to stop by in the town today, which necessitated catching a bus, as the parking is so difficult (and nearly as expensive as the bus) where we live. It was nice and quiet on the bus and in the shops because of the dreadful weather, which was very nice, and although it poured with rain on the way there, and on the way back, it did not actually rain whilse we were doing our shopping, so it was not nearly as dreadful as we had been expecting! Little Bear and Cubby had one or two items they needed to get (socks - they seem to wear up their socks, past the darning stage, so quickly!) and I wanted to buy some wool so that I could make a couple of gifts for people at Church who have birthdays. They aren't people we know well, but I wanted to make something small and sweet for them, so I am knitting a couple of the funny, characterful chicks that I made at Easter, and adding a few embellishments to them to make them more personal. Home mades gifts are nice to give to someone that you don't know well enough to be sure of their tastes, and because they're unique, they also add a little extra reminder of the people who gave the gift too! Then we enjoyed looking at different things in the shops we had visited before deciding we would far rather be back at home!

I put some potatoes into the oven before we left, set so that they would be cooked when we arrived home from our trip. We had hot taties waiting for us as we walked through the door, and what with them and the scents of some home made granola baking in the slow cooker and the delicious new vanilla candles that Papa Bear bought for me this morning at the supermarket (even in the packaging, the scent was beautiful), our home smelled very welcoming! It was so lovely to have a hot meal almost ready to eat as soon as we had arrived. We had a salad with them with cress that I'd been growing on the windowsill, and lots of other bits and pieces besides, and then this afternoon I did some baking, in between reading, knitting, doing a few chores and - oh, we are excited about this! - working out how to edit the template for our new website, which eventually we hope will be linked to our blog, as a stand-alone resource with lots of features that are currently on the blog at the moment, such as recipes and weekly menu plans, which I haven't had time to update just yet this week - because I've been busy with the website! We have been planning this ever since we started the blog, and with the new Blogger interface being so challenging for us to adjust to, we felt that now was the time to get started on the website! We will keep everyone updated with our progress ...

We don't usually eat dessert during the week unless it's a special occasion. But we do eat it at the weekend, and today everyone decided that a cake was what they wanted! Then of course was the difficulty in deciding which cake to bake! Among the suggestions were coffee walnut, raspberry mallow, lemon ice, cherry, or the one that was the definite favourite - pineapple upside down cake! I think we all felt it would be a very welcome treat during this dreary weather, with its topping of cheerful yellow pineapple rings and bright jaunty cherries like jewels in their centres! A hint perhaps of sunnier days to come? We do hope so!

Please do let me assure you, if you've not ever thought of making a pineapple upside down cake - or if you have, and have been deterred by the idea that it's quite tricky to do - that this is a really easy cake to make - and really delicious to eat too! It's also not expensive either. All it consists of is a basic sponge recipe, which is baked in the usual way in a tin into which you have placed the drained contents of a large can of pineapple rings (or the equivalent of fresh pineapple, which does taste really wonderful). I normally use a cake mix of 8/8/8/4 - that is to say, 8 ounces of sugar, 8 ounces of margarine or butter, 8 ounces of all-purpose flour and 4 eggs. Converted into cups, this translates as ...

1 and 1/4 cups caster sugar
1 cup margarine or butter (I used margarine)
2 cups all purpose flour
4 eggs, beaten

Plus also

1 teaspoon vanilla essence
One 14 oz can pineapple rings, drained (or the equivalent of prepared, fresh pineapple, which really does make a difference - and is what I used today, as pineapples were on clearance in the supermarket, so we bought 2).
Enough glace cherries to fill the centres of each pineapple ring.

Prepare the tin first - grease, then line with greaseproof or baking paper. Place the pineapple rings on the top of this, arranging them so the pieces do not overlap. Fill in any gaps with left over segments or cherries, and add a cherry to the centre of each ring.

Preheat your oven to a medium heat (this takes about 35 minutes in our fan oven at 200).

For the cake ...

1. In a large bowl, cream the sugar and margarine or butter until light and fluffy (it will change colour when it is done and become paler).

2. Add the beaten eggs, a tablespoon at a time, and stir in gently. If the mixture starts to curdle, add a tablespoon or so of flour from the amount you have measured out.

3. Add the vanilla.

4. Sift the flour into the mixture, then fold in lightly. The mixture should have a thick consistency that glides easily, but fairly slowy, off the spoon. If it is too thin, add a little more flour. If it is too thick, loosen with a tablespoon or so of milk.

5. Now put the mixture on top of the pineapple, and bake in the oven until it is lightly browned and a knife inserted in the centre comes out clean.

6. Remove from the oven and turn out onto a rack to cool. This cake is lovely eaten warm (as we did!) with soured cream or vanilla ice cream - but it is also delicious cold. You can also make a sauce with the left-over pineapple juice if you have used canned pineapple - simply warm it through with a little arrowroot or cornstarch to thicken, and enjoy! In our home we have even been known to eat this cake for breakfast ... perhaps we will tomorrow!

Frugal Friday (27th April)

Now, this week's Frugal Friday is not at all what I had intended, this morning! But we had a surprise for tea today, so instead of what I had planned to write about, I am going to share this "fishy tale" with you instead - as it has a message about the virtue of frugality too!

On the menu for our evening meal today was fish and chips. Papa Bear was going to collect them on his way home from work from the fish and chip shop near our home for us to all enjoy around our kitchen table with lots of conversation and laughter. This is a big treat for us, as eating out (or in this case, having a takeaway) is a great indulgence, because it is expensive, and therefore we don't often eat food that hasn't been prepared at home (by me!). Often my family will tell me that they prefer my home-cooked food to any restaurant or takeaway meal, which is so lovely to know! But we do also enjoy the great treat of a bought meal too. So we were very surprised when Papa Bear arrived home this evening, not with a big bag of warm, delicously scented packages from fish and chip shop as we had expected, but with instead, a cold, slippery, plastic wrapped package - which turned out to be ... a freshly caught rainbow trout! No, he had not caught it himself - he does catch such fish, often, when he goes fishing, but he does not keep them. He and Cubby both throw their catch back into the water again, still alive, rather than taking it home with them for us to eat. They could do so if they wished to, but they prefer to leave the fish for the sake of the environment and other wildlife. Too many people fishing our waters will leave them dangerously depleted and this can cause an imbalance of food sources for other animals, and have potentially devastating effects on the environment. That being said, this fish was a "farmed" fish, so although it had been caught on a line (by one of his workmates who drove by with a bucketful of them this morning), it had not been living in the wild, but in a stretch of river where the trout and other fish species have been encouaged to breed specifically to be caught by anglers. Papa Bear's workmate did not want any money for his fish, although Papa Bear did offer - which meant we had a free meal for our tea this evening!

Well, I was minded of the miracles of Jesus feeding the multitudes of followers that are described in the Gospels, when I saw that fish. How on earth was one fish going to provide us with a whole meal for 4 grown people, two of whom have big appetites? I had planned on Papa Bear bringing chips and mushy peas, the traditional accompaniments to fried fish, for us to eat, and so apart from drinks, I had not anticipated preparing any other food for this evening's meal!

I sprang to action and went to look in the fridge, where I saw that we had just enough potatoes for me to make a generous helping of spicy potatoes. I have shared the recipe on this blog before, but they are very simple to make. You don't even need to peel or parboil them. Simply cut into chunks about 1 1/2 inches square, place in a large, oiled roasting tin and toss in a mixture of oil, seasoning mix, chilli flakes, nutritional yeast flakes, garlic salt, and regular salt and pepper. Roast in the oven for about 45 minutes, turning once or twice to coat. This happened to be just the right amount of time for the fish to cook. I put it in a large tin (as pictured above) and seasoned it with lemons, butter, salt, pepper and dried herbs (parsley, thyme and chive) and then wrapped it loosely in tin foil. It was done perfectly after 45 minutes at 200 degrees in our fan oven. Together with the potatoes, we had a salad made of all the left-over bits and pieces of fresh veggies that were in the fridge waiting to be used up, and Cubby made our usual salad dressing, as described in last week's Frugal Friday post, and I also warmed some rolls we had left over, in the oven. And do you know what? Our unexpected, cheap-and-cheerful tea was ...

DELICIOUS!

Of course, it helped that the fish was beautifully fresh - caught this morning (that is the time to catch trout, when they come to the surface of the water to feed). It shone like a jewel as it sat in the tin before I seasoned it, and looked so pretty, that I had to take a photograph of it! Papa Bear gutted it for me, as that is quite hard work if your hands are not strong, but we left the outside of the fish intact as it looked so beautiful (you don't need to descale a fish like this as the skin is very thin and delicate). When it was cooked, the flesh became the most gorgeous soft, pastel pink, and the flavour was very pleasant, almost sweet, with a lovely moist texture like salmon. It was really wonderful, and we were all so grateful to Papa Bear's generous workmate for sharing his bounty with us. Of course, this isn't a miracle in the way that Jesus's feeding of the multitudes was, but nevertheless, this act of kindness, which provided us with an unexpected and delicious free meal, was for us another sign of God's goodness and of His work in our lives. It also minded us of something else that is important.

The act of sharing our bounty with others is one which is commanded by God - Jesus taught that it was "more blessed to give than to recieve" (Acts 20, 35), but also, as regards all our possessions - not just our food and other necessities, but all our belongings, everything that we have - we would do well to remember that, as Jesus demonstrated, if we place all our trust in God, He will supply all that we need - whether it be food, shelter or comfort -

"Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee". (Hebrews 13, 5)

Our efforts to pursue fulfillment of our desires beyond what we actually need to live will lead to misery and sinfulness, as we feed our flesh, rather than our spirits, and as Jesus tells us, speaking in Matthew 6 -

"Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:
But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:
For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.
But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness!
No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.
Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?
Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?
And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:
And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these". (Matthew 6, 19 - 29).

We did not eat fish and chips for tea today - but we did have a wonderful meal - and we shared soul food as we ate too, which was by far the sweetest part of that meal. We have each other, we have our lovely home. We have plenty to eat, clothes to wear, and more - lovely things to look at and to entertain us, a car to get us where we need to go, and all our physical blessings too - our good health, our hearing, our eyesight. And so much more. Why waste our days pursuing a life of hollow acquisition, when we already have so much more than we need? Our real treasure awaits us in Heaven. For now, we shall be content with what we already have.

"Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?
Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." (Matthew 6, 30 - 34).

A Precious Love

Papa Bear and I have been talking still more about "Courageous", the film that we watched together on our "date night" on Saturday last week. That film had so many important messages in it. We were both greatly moved and inspired by it, but Papa Bear felt that there were some particularly pertinent issues that were very relevant especially to him. There is a beautiful scene in the film in which one of the central characters, law enforcement officer Nathan Hayes, presents his teenage daughter Jade with a purity ring as part of his desire to mend his relationship with her, as God has commanded him. We both thought that the idea of a father givng his daughter a purity ring was lovely. What a beautiful way for a him to show his Godly commitment to protecting and guiding his daughter as she matures and becomes a woman, and what a wonderful symbol of commitment for a girl to make to the rest of the world - that she belongs to her father, as God wills, until her wedding day. We loved the idea, and Papa Bear is prayerfully considering whether he might do something similar for Little Bear. We have been praying about it together, and it is therefore, we are sure, not a coincidence that we have read and heard a couple of things just recently, which we believe are messages that resonate loudly, as part of God's message to us about how to conduct our lives in a way that is pleasing to Him.

I've posted previously about the need for marriage to be viewed as a lifetime commitment, and how by living together, couples today are cheapening the purity and preciousness of the marriage union, and reducing it to something as transient and ordinary as a casual friendship. Yesterday we read in our newspaper of how almost one in eight couples who married at the same time as Prince William and Princess Catherine did, in April last year, are now regretting their decision, and almost one in ten husbands and wives had second thoughts as early on as six months after their wedding day. Given that in England, according to the Office of National Statistics, in 2006 45% of marriages ended in divorce, that is an awful lot of people who are rushing into their marriages without, as I have said, considering what they are doing as a permanently binding covenant. But what is almost as surprising, is that these same couples, are spending on average, as much as £21,000 on their weddings! Yes, you read that right. £21,000 - more than many people in England earn in a year. But why? Who on earth would be prepared to invest such an enormous sum of money on something they haven't even really thought through properly - and certainly don't intend to commit to forever? Why the huge disparity in terms of willingness to invest so much in marriage materially, but yet not emotionally or spiritually?

Interestingly, reading research on the reasons for why couples decide they no longer want to be married, the number one reason that women gave for wanting a divorce was the infidelity of their husband. The mens gave their number one reason as lack of physical intimacy. It doesn't take much figuring to work out that the two are obviously interlinked - and that these figures add an interesting and very important facet to the reasons why people are prepared to spend so much on their weddings, but so little on their marriage. The need for a fulfilling physical relationship between a husband and wife is intrinsic to their happiness as a married couple. It is the most important element of what draws them together in joyful union to produce children, as God has commanded, and is part of the cement that holds them together as the years pass. A passionless marriage must never be a happy one. And yet for many, it seems, this aspect of marriage is considered to be the least precious. In a culture where it is being proposed, only today, that girls as young as 13 - 3 years below the legal age of consent - should be offered the contraceptive pill without a prescription, the idea that saving one's body to give to your spouse on your wedding night is considered by many to be as out of date and obsolete as the penny farthing bicycle. A physical relationship is seen by many as all about personal satisfaction - fulfilling the needs of self, not the other person. And for many it is also equated with love - but it is not the same thing as love. Basic physical need is being confused with emotion. Love must come before the physical relationship for it to be meaningful, and you cannot love someone, without having spent time sharing, growing and learning. A physical relationship without this shared experience of deepening understanding is nothing but the satisfaction of a basic, animal need - and it is an ugly parody of what God intends for us when we join together as man and wife.

Nowadays many people have had several physical relationships before they marry - and quite frequently, children also. This means that by the time they do finally find someone that they want to make a serious commitment to, there is nothing left that they can give this person that they haven't already given to someone else. And consequently, there is no motivation to work at the relationship when it starts to go wrong. It is as if everything is back-to-front. Love comes first - after friendship - but it can never develop naturally, if the physical relationship has been forced, and if the physical relationship is all that there is to bind the couple together it will not be long before this ceases to be pleasurable. Add to this the notion that our throwaway, materialistic culture has of instant gratification and the expectation of meeting one's own needs before those of anyone else, and it is possible to see why so many relationships fail so quickly.

The Bible has plenty of advice to give us about the preciousness of our physical love for our spouses - and why it is so important to save it only for the marriage union. By their fallen nature, human beings are inevitably given to self-indulgence and weakness of spirit. They will be tempted - not because God is testing them, but because they are imperfect. But we have an alternative - and it isn't all about self-denial. Paul, writing to the Corinthians, advises that couples should not with-hold love from each other, because this will lead to temptation outside the marriage union -

"Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency" (1 Corinthians 7, 5).

The consequences of not observing this instruction have been proved in the statistics I've quoted above. With-holding physical love from your spouse will eventually lead to problems - it can be no other way. God knows this, and that is why He wants us to enjoy each other physically. But only within the union of marriage. Before this, in Chapter 6, verse 18, Paul also speaks of the need to "flee fornication", because it is a sin against ourselves - and therefore against Christ Himself, our bodies being part of the "body of Christ" (verse 15). This demonstrates just how precious we are to God - and how precious, therefore, we should consider ourselves. Our love for our spouses is unique and beautiful, and to cheapen and taint this by defiling ourselves, offends God because we are hurting not only each other, but Him, too.

By keeping ourselves pure - by avoiding such sinful and offensive behaviour as "fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness" (Colossians 3, 5) we are investing in a gift for our spouses that is incredibly precious - worth far more than the value of any wedding celebration, no matter how luxurious or ostentatious. To save ourselves for our marriage relationship in this way is to show not only respect for our spouse, but for ourselves, too. It is a demonstration of our commitment and willingness to serve our Father God, but it is also a pledge of our desire to treasure our marriages as a lifetime union, one in which both the husband and wife, and any children that they have, are able to grow and develop to their full potential. This may be hard work - it may be more challenging than simply investing materially in our lives, but the rewards will be immesurable.

"Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.
Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.
And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.
Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass" (Psalm 37, 3 - 7).

Wednesday's Workbox - Frilled "Sea Lettuce" Scarf

Yippee! I have a new knitting pattern! And as you can see, I have already got busy with it! A very kind sister at our Church shared this pattern, and I am so enjoying working on it! It is a pattern for a scarf which, as you can see from the picture above, is very frilly and ornate - like a piece of seaweed, or a "sea lettuce" as the pattern calls it! I'm just using some of the wool that I've been using for the crochet blanket that I'm also working on just now, but if it works out well I shall probably buy some prettier, variegated colour wool and make another one, which I shall use as a gift for a birthday or Christmas present. This scarf looks very complicated but in point of fact, once you've set the pattern, it is quite easy to do and you don't need to keep checking back.

I am using size 4 (English) needles and 4 ply yarn as this is what I had and what seemed to work best, but if you preferred you could use larger needles and a thicker yarn and get a bigger scarf, or even smaller needles and a finer yarn to create a thinner, more delicate version. I am going to try using thicker yarn next time, to make a larger scarf more suitable for our cold winters. As the name suggests, I think it would look beautiful in different shades of soft green and aqua blue.

If you would like to try knitting this scarf, you can find out more details about the pattern here.

I'll share with you again how I am getting on when it is done - but here's another picture to inspire you! Happy knitting!

Tuesday's Time To (24th April)

Today I have been busy in the kitchen, reorganising things. It's surprising how just a few small changes can make such a big difference to how tidy and efficient the room seems! It was hard work - not just actually doing it, but trying to work out ways to use the small amount of storage space we have sensibly - but now I've got it all done, it looks great - and it's so much easier to find everything now! I keep opening cupboards and looking all around at the newly organised space we have, and feeling really satisfied and happy!

The kitchen is probably the room where we spend more time than anywhere else (other than our bedrooms at night but we are asleep then, so I guess that doesn't really count!). I've tried to make it cosy and welcoming without seeming cluttered or untidy, and I think I've succeeded. Well, we all seem to enjoy being in there, anyways! Me especially. It's where many of my happiest moments are spent each day! With that thought in mind, I decided to use Tuesday's Time To as an inspiration to share with you what's going on in the heart of our home today ...

A time to plant ... there is a bowl of cress seeds just planted on the windowsill - which will be used for a salad at the weekend - and for our birds to enjoy too! Cress has a pleasant, peppery taste that complements lots of other salad vegetables, and adds a nice crunch as well.

A time to heal ... in a decorated tin caddy in the cupboard next to the sink I keep my herbal teas. I say "my", but both the cubs enjoy them too! Herbal teas are very soothing and are especially good if you have a delicate stomach. They don't contain caffeine like regular tea, and don't need to be drunk with milk. Our favourites are blackberry and nettle, blueberry, apple and cinnamon, and peppermint. The very best peppermint tea I ever drank was produced by a company called Celestial Seasonings. Sadly you can no longer buy this particular blend in England, but there are other lovely ones to try. Papa Bear prefers his tea the regular way with milk and sugar, but regular tea can be good for you too - the tannins in it are said to protect against stomach upsets if it is drunk black, and it is usually less caffeinated than coffee (though not always!).

A time to laugh ... so many smiles and happy moments happen in our kitchen. As it's the room right next to the entrance to our wee apartment, oftentimes the kitchen is where special news first gets shared. The cubs bringing home good news about their college work, or a happy event they shared with friends, or Papa Bear telling us about a particularly challenging work project that he's excelled at, or a new job he's secured. It's also where we open our post, so we often get happy news that way as well! Last week we got a sweet magnet for the fridge sent to us by one of our lovely aunts along with two new books to read. It said "thinking of you and smiling. Some things never change". Ohhhh! That warmed our hearts and made us smile too!

A time to embrace ... of course lots of hugs happen in our kitchen! The best ones of all are when someone comes in from the cold, shivering, perhaps wet or frozen with snowflakes in their hair, and the best thing in the world then, is a hug to warm them up! Quickly followed by hot chocolate and marshmallows, and a warm cookie or muffin from Mama Bear's oven. The cubs still love my hugs and cookies - and they'll always be there for them too.

A time to keep ... when I was reorganising the kitchen, I was surprised at how little I actually needed to declutter. I do decluttering regularly, but I think I've managed to pare down what we have in our cupboards now to a reasonable minimum. It's very easy to get carried away with purchasing items (both food and non-food) for your kitchen without really seeing it as wasting money. Somehow because they're going to be used for a purpose such as preparing or serving a meal, the expense seems more justifiable than if that same money had been spent on, say, clothes, or a decorative item for your bedroom or living room. When I discovered I was unintentionally duplicating items like jars of spice and cupcake cases, I realised it was time to streamline my storecupboards! Of course, it's sensible to keep a stock of long shelf-life items that are used regularly like canned goods, seasonings and such, it's also wasteful to buy more than you need. I've learned the hard way - and check now on my stocks before I add items to the shopping list!

A time to sew ... although I enjoy it as much as knitting and crochet, I don't sew often - I need to do it in natural light, and I don't get much time during the winter and spring for this before it gets dark I can't see what I'm doing. By June or July I will have more evening so hopefully I shall actually get some of my projects started! A bird cage cover ... two new dresses ... some new headscarves ... cushion covers ... and now, today, I've added a new tablecloth and matching serviettes to that long list! Not to mention the wedding anniversary embroidery which is definitely not going to be done before our special day - next week. Eeek!

A time to speak ... I enjoy having the radio playing when I'm in the kitchen alone. We tune it to a news station which doesn't have adverts or music. But I've realised that it's also important to allow my family to have time to speak to me too, when they're in the kitchen with me. When the cubs were younger they would often come and share things with me that they wanted to tell me alone, when I was busy cooking or washing up. Then I would switch off the radio and let them talk to me undisturbed by interruptions. I love it when we are all together in the kitchen chattering at once as a meal is prepared. Sometimes I'll be at the sink rinsing salad vegetables, Little Bear will be at the worktop cutting them up with Cubby next to her, arranging them nicely in a bowl, and Papa Bear will be at the table checking out the newspaper as he unwinds from a hard day at work, and we will all be sharing our day's news together. It's noisy, but so friendly and cosy!

A time to love ... it's rumoured that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, and certainly Papa Bear seems to love my cooking! In our culture, being able to cook is regarded as such a fundamental skill for a good wife that a slim man is still, even in the 21st century, considered to have made an unfortunate marriage -the assumption being that a well padded man, has a wife that cooks so well he can't resist her meals! A woman who can't cook is seen to be bringing shame on her husband and family, so girls are taught from an early age to be experts in the kitchen. I still can't make pastry as well as my own mam, but Little Bear can! She can also make her own pasta and bread, and can fry bacon and eggs to perfection. Her cheese sauce is never lumpy and her cakes always rise ... so I hope I've done a pretty good job! Of course, there's much more to being a good wife than being able to cook but it's definitely a valuable skill for any girl to acquire - and it's fun, too. Little Bear and I have shared some marvellous experiences along the way as I've taught her all that I know - that my mam taught me, and her mam taught her - and we make an excellent team in the kitchen now. That being said, Cubby Bear has also had an interest in cooking too, and I've never tried to discourage that. He really likes the creative, visual elements of cooking, and it's fun to see how inventive he can be. Cooking is so much more than just preparing food. It's about fellowship, creativity, generosity, nurturing and of course, most importantly, love.

A time of peace ... at the end of the day, before I go upstairs to bed, the very last thing I always do is to go into the kitchen and check that everything is tidy and neat. I switch all the sockets off, and make sure that the fridge and freezer doors are closed properly, and that the oven rings are all switched off safely too. I like to give the sink one last wipe down, and maybe a quick switch across the floor with my broom. And then in the peace of the heart of our home I stand back and sigh and smile and thank God for all that He has blessed us with - our small safe home, with a kitchen that is all my own, where I can prepare meals and serve them with love and a thankful heart to my precious family.

St George's Day - 23rd April

It is St. George's Day today - St. George is the Patron Saint of England, although interestingly, he was not English but born in Turkey and was of Palestinian descent. It was in fact his bravery during his life that came to make him an icon for the country where we live.
Historical records tell us that he lived in around 300 AD and was a member of the Roman Army. He was executed on 23rd April 303 AD after speaking out against the cruelties and repression of the Emperor Diocletian, who was persecuting Christian people for their beliefs. Before his execution he was tortured to try to make him denounce his Christian faith, however he resisted and was killed, and therefore came to be honored by Christians of the time as a martyr.
The famous legend of him killing a dragon is of course just a myth. The tale goes that a dragon had made a nest (the mythical creatures were said to lay eggs rather than giving birth to live young) over the well and only water supply of the land of Silene in Libya, and when it demanded a human sacrifice in return for its relinquishing its nest to the Silenean people so that they could draw water from their well again the King of Silene was forced to offer his daughter to the dragon after drawing lots. George rescued her and slayed the dragon in a typical fairy-tale ending to the myth!
The flag of St. George (a red cross on a white background) is still the flag of England, however together with the flag of Wales and the flag of Scotland, it now forms part of the flag of Great Britain, the Union Jack.
We don't celebrate St. George's Day - in fact St. George's Day is not a public holiday in England - but we do see it as an opportunity to think a little about the history of the great country where we live, and to enjoy the hymn above, which along with the words, features some interesting pictures of English landmarks and customs! Some of the features of England that we are especially thankful to our Father God for ...
Our Church
Tea brewed properly (of course tea leaves themselves are from China or India, but the way it is prepared here in England makes it taste wonderful)
Traditional English meals such as fish and chips, pie, mash and gravy, and roast beef with Yorkshire puddings
Rain (it makes you feel very cosy when you are indoors, and helps the plants to grow)!
Queues (everyone is so polite when they are waiting)
Double decker buses
Red pillar boxes
The Royal Family (especially Queen Victoria, whose life I am learning about just now)
Football
Canal boats
The beautiful countryside and coast of North East England
English gardens, full of beautiful old-fashioned flowers such as climbing roses, lavender, foxgloves, hollyhocks, lupins, daisies, wallflowers and forget-me-nots.
Thank God for creating such a wonderful world!
(Apologies for the poor quality of layout in our posts currently - especially the muddly papargraphs. We are having some problems getting to grips with the new Blogger interface, which we are not finding very user-friendly. Hopefully these issues will resolve themselves quickly!).

He Lives

"And they told what things were done in the way, and how he was known of them in breaking of bread. And as they thus spake, Jesus himself stood in the midst of them, and saith unto them, Peace be unto you. But they were terrified and affrighted, and supposed that they had seen a spirit. And he said unto them, Why are ye troubled? and why do thoughts arise in your hearts? Behold my hands and my feet, that it is I myself: handle me, and see; for a spirit hath not flesh and bones, as ye see me have. And when he had thus spoken, he shewed them his hands and his feet. And while they yet believed not for joy, and wondered, he said unto them, Have ye here any meat? And they gave him a piece of a broiled fish, and of an honeycomb. And he took it, and did eat before them. And he said unto them, These are the words which I spake unto you, while I was yet with you, that all things must be fulfilled, which were written in the law of Moses, and in the prophets, and in the psalms, concerning me. Then opened he their understanding, that they might understand the scriptures, And said unto them, Thus it is written, and thus it behooved Christ to suffer, and to rise from the dead the third day: And that repentance and remission of sins should be preached in his name among all nations, beginning at Jerusalem. And ye are witnesses of these things". (Luke 24, 35 - 48).
This was not one of the hymns that we had at Church today - I couldn't find the ones that I wanted to share. It is Saint George's Day tomorrow here in England, so we had a very jaunty hymnn in honour of that, but I could not find a video of it anywhere online to share, nor even the words.
Well, Courageous was ... BRILLIANT. Yes, I did cry - lots - but I think you would need to have a heart of stone not to. It was such a moving, but relvant film, which resonated with us in so many ways. It worked on every level and there were messages for everyone - not just fathers! Papa Bear was very moved indeed by it, not just because of the strong command from God for fathers to be bold enough obey His commands and serve Him as providers to their families, standing up for truth and integrity, honesty and commitment, and as fine examples to the next generation, but also because there were many parallels in that film that we could relate to - the worries about money and work, bereavement, the relationship between a father and his son. But there were many other messages in that film aside from the main one. Some of the other themes that the film portrayed were the role of women in supporting their husbands to be God's servants, protecting the hearts of children as they grow, the difficulties male Christians face in a secular world where having a faith can be seen as a weakness, the challenge of standing up and being different - because that is what God has commanded you to. There were many others besides that I don't have time to write about - but we will be watching the film again soon with Cubby and Little Bear. We were sure they would find it as inspirational and moving as we did. We went to bed yesterday feeling uplifted despite the poignant moments in the film that had me not just tearful but actually howling! It was a wonderful evening - watching that film not only drew us closer to God, but to each other too, and I felt so proud of my wonderful husband, knowing that he is indeed serving our Father God just as he has been commanded - with just as much courage and determination as the men featured in the film.